Ah, the playoffs are upon us which means it is time for every Tom and Terry to come out of the wood works and cheer for their team when they touch the ice. There is no doubt in my mind that the people who have instrumentally killed the Bruins over and over will be sitting in front of their TVs before game-time, asking honey-pie to change their drool cup. Hell, I know I will be and I've killed these poor bastards over the past six months...but they deserved it right? RIGHT!?
Well, I'm not here to throw my beloved black and gold to the ground and mercifully kick them. No, tonight I'm here to give you a top 11 list.Why 11? Because I like to go one step beyond. So my black and gold brothers and sisters, I give to you:
THE TOP 11 REASON WHY BUFFALO SUCKS
11. Terrell Owens
I'll be honest with you guys, I am a Buffalo Bills fan, but signing this guy was a shame. Owens is a 36year old primadonna wide receiver that has been run out of town everywhere he has gone. He made ambiguous remarks about Jeff Garcia's sexuality "if it walks like a duck and talks like a duck, it's a duck", got himself out of a Super Bowl contending Philadelphia Eagles team and was no bad at the end of his contract even Jerry Jones didn't want him. So where does he end up? The Buffalo Bills.
The moment Owens signed with Buffalo I put my Marshawn Lynch jersey away and started to focus on hockey. Although Owens "behaved" this season, he had spurts where he would want the damn ball, but who could throw to him? Trent Edwards was useless and Ryan Fitzpatrick is nothing more than a career backup. Sorry Buffalo, but Owens sucks and so do you. That's my quarterback *sniff*
10. Buffaslug
Seriously, this thing looks like Michael J Fox drew it. The Buffaslug may be the worst logo in the history of sports and this includes the old school Trailblazers logo, the 1950-1959 Red Sox logo, and the MIGHTY DUCK BREAKING THROUGH THE MOTHER ****ING ICE!
Maybe it is a compare and contrast situation, but when you look at the old Buffalo Sabres logo, it is a classic. It is pure and reeks of nostalgia, which is all anyone ever wants.
9. You Play Football Games In Toronto.
Enough said.
8. Always The Bridesmaid, Never the Bride
The city of Buffalo has never won a professional championship since the AFL/NFL merger. No Super Bowl and no Stanley Cup. The last time the Sabres made it to the Stanley Cup was 1999, but we'll touch on that one a little bit later. To further harp on the sucktitude of this city, the Buffalo Bills went to the Super Bowl 4 STRAIGHT TIMES from 1990-1993 and lost every game. Seriously, even Phoenix, the death of all sports has something to cheer about recently.
TAKE HIM BACK NOW, WE DON'T WANT HIM ANYMORE! Please leave the $8 chicken fingers though.
6. No MLB or NBA franchise
Seriously Buffalo, a two-sport town? Almost every city in America has at least three sports teams and the shitty ones (looking at you Phoenix) has 4! How the hell can you not have another sports franchise? In fact, there have been rumors for multiple years that the Bills may move to Los Angeles or Toronto. This sports town is so bad that their staple franchise might move! ****ing christ, you guys are awful.
5. Ralph Wilson Stadium
I've seen it, I've been in it, it is a piece of shit.
4. Insane amount of snow fall
You have more white stuff than the desk of Tony Montana and it is a fact that snow sucks.
3. Music City Miracle
The one time that Buffalo sniffs the playoffs in the NFL was in 2000 and it was a wild card game against the Tennessee Titans. With the lead, the Bills kicked off to the Titans and big fat Frank Wychek threw the ball to Kevin Dyson across the field and the rest was history. The Music City Miracle is the last impression people have of the Buffalo Bills in the playoffs.
2. BRETT HULL'S SKATE WAS IN THE CREASE
Holy ****ing shit, I remember this clear as day. For those who aren't familiar with the tears of the Buffalo "faithful", it was June of 1999 and the Sabres and Stars were locked into an intense game. If the Stars win, they take home the Stanley Cup. If Buffalo wins, it goes to a Game 7.* In triple over-time, Brett Hull shoots the game winning goal into the back of the net and the Buffalo fans sniff their ******s and scream 'NO GOAL, HE WAS IN THE CREASE'.
To this day, if you ask any Buffalo Sabres fan about this game, they will begin to tell you that it is no goal because Hull's skate is clearly in the crease and will then rattle off some bullshit conspiracy theory about how the NHL was trying to push hockey into the south. I swear, I've heard it too.
1. Putting Miller On A Pedestal.
Look, I like Ryan Miller too, but he hasn't won anything in the NHL. No Stanley Cup, no Vezina trophy, no MVP...nothing. In fact, you can make a great argument that Tuukka Rask had just as good of a season as RYan Miller, but Buffalo fans won't hear it. They don't care. The only thing they care about is that Ryan Miller coddles baby goats and the sun sets behind his dome piece.
So no matter what happens in the 2010 playoffs in the first round against Buffalo, here are 11 reason why Buffalo sucks. We, as Bostonians and Bruins fans alike, can always take solice in the fact that Buffalo is the shit sports capital of the world.
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